Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
