I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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