I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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