Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
