He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
