Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.