Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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