4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
wow bdsm is so cute
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
