he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
