fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
