The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
