My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
