I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
