Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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