i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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