and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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