dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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