I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
as a side note pls kill me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
