It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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