The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
