my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
