Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
