Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
