I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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