Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My bed smells like the plague
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
