just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
