Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You're like the curious george of whores
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
