The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
