I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
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Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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