is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
