i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she looked like the before picture.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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