I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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