Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
