we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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