Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
