Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

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(201): View more from New Jersey

She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.

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(951): View more from California

Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

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(801): View more from Utah

Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(774): View more from Massachusetts

and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to

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(415): View more from California

When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?

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(817): View more from Texas

Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.

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