And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
