After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
