I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
