then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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