Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
