i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
