yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
