we're chasing vodka with high fives
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
