i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You need a sexual gate keeper
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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