whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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