the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
