Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
