You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
