It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
