You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
