I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize