i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
