mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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