Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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