i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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