I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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