I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
